Thoughts on Being Single

I am single for the first time in 6 years. Those 6 years were beautiful. Full of growth, friendship, and love. However, our relationship wasn't progressing the way a relationship should at 6 years. We still have lots of room to grow and lots to learn; independently.

One of the most difficult things I had to do was be honest with myself and say, "Kristina, this break-up is right." However difficult that was, it was also so incredibly freeing. I felt a weight being lifted off my shoulders as I didn't feel the pressure of a ring, a white dress, and a ceremony haunting me anymore. I also didn't feel the pressure of "working everything out." You see, the things we needed to work out weren't simple things like, "Could you please drive slower?" or "Can you pick up your socks?" These were issues like, "What religion will we teach our children?" and "What aspects of our religions can we compromise to be together?"

For the first time in a long time, I felt the freedom to be me. Who I am. My past, my mistakes, but also my growth and drive.

Of course, I was me in my relationship. I was me in some of my purest forms. Goofy, burpy, and comfortable. I however, was not who God wanted me to be. I was full of expectation and so blinded from some of the fundamental differences between my boyfriend and I.

Now, it's really not that fun being single for me. I'm not a single kind of person, although I may be a free-spirit and a very independent lady, I have a problem of gravitating towards guys too soon when I'm single. I've only been single for about 4 weeks now, but I can already feel this inkling to rush into another relationship, but I won't, because right now I am clinging to God. Why? Because I need to.

God needs to be my go-to man. My main-squeeze. He needs to be my All in All. In this time of singleness, I may go out with a few good guys, maybe, but my focus is going to be seeking my God. Finding him in this pain and ache that I feel. So far, like I said in my previous post, God has been faithful to me because I have been seeking after things that are rooted in Him.

I am going to use this time to become a better me. To become a good woman filled with the Holy Spirit. I am going to admit my wrongs and continue to strive to be better through my Lord.

Thankful is how I feel. Thankful that God has released me from the pressures of a failing relationship, to the freedom in Him.

Whew, beautiful release. I feel such a serenity when I write. I know this blog is oh so public, but I need public. I need to keep myself accountable and honest about what I'm feeling and not bottle it up inside.

On a last side-note, I wanted to share some sites that have been so encouraging to me in this time; The Good Women Project, Rewriting Life, RuthieDean.com, Quarter Life Crisis Averted, Make it Mad, and finally from the same ministry as Love and Respect, Love and Respect NOW.